Random Jokes

1. An elderly couple goes to Burger King, where they carefully split a burger and fries. A trucker takes pity on them and offers to buy the wife her own meal.
"It's all right," says the husband. "We share everything."
A few minutes later, the trucker notices that the wife hasn't taken a bite. "I really wouldn't mind buying your wife her own meal," he insists. "She'll eat," the husband assures him. "We share everything."
Unconvinced, the trucker implores the wife, "Why aren't you eating?"
The wife snaps," Because I'm waiting for the teeth!"



2. A concerned police officer approaches a boy crying in front of a newsstand.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
"Superman isn't out yet!"
"I'll handle it," the cop assures him.
"Hey Superman!" he shouts. "Come on out! We won't hurt you!"



3. A man says to a friend, "My wife is on a three-week diet." "Oh, yeah? How much has she lost so far?" "Two weeks."

4. Doctor: Have you taken my advice and slept with the window open?
Patient:Yes.
Doctor: So your asthma disappeared completely?
Patient: No, but my watch, TV, iPod and laptop have.



5. Vlad gets pulled over after a high speed car chase. "I'm going to help you out," says the police officer. "Give me good excuse and I won't write you a ticket."
"Three weeks ago, my wife left me for a cop," Vlad explains. " So when I saw your car coming, I thought you were trying to bring her back."



6. Visiting the countryside on a hunting trip, the well-dressed man from Stockhlom takes aim and shoots a duck. But the fowl drops into a farmer's field, and the farmer claims it. Since both want it, the farmer suggest settling the dispute with an old-fashioned hick-kick.
"I kick you as hard as I can in the crotch, them you do the same to me," he explains. "Whoever screams the least gets the bird." The city man agrees.
So the farmer winds up and delivers a cruishing blow to the man's privates, and he collapses to the ground. Tweenty minutes later, when he finally manages to stand, he gasps, "My turn."
"Nah," says the farmer, turning away. "You can keep the ducks."



7. Papa turtle is telling his son a bedtime story. "Once upon a time, there was a white bunny."
"Aw, c'mon, Dad," says the boy.
"That's kid stuff. What about some science fiction?"
"All right. Once upon a time, there was a bunny in outer space..."
"Dad! Make it more grown up."
"Ok, Ok. Promise you won't tell Mum."
"I swear."
"Once upon a time, there was a naked bunny..."



8. A neighbor finds a young boy sitting on the stairs crying. "What's the matter, honey?" she asks him.
"It's my father," the boy sobs. "He hit his finger with a hammer."
"Then why are you crying?"
"Because first I laughed!"

Number 7 is my favorite....:)

Reader's Digest
October